she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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