My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
