none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize