I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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