im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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