he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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