I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
