i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
