Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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