my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
