We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
