Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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