Fuck appropriateness.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
