That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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