the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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