I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
