He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
