they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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