Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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