we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize