god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
