Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You ruined the universe
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
