I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
