Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize