If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
