dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
