Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
