Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
