So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
