I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
