Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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