You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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