theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
