it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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