can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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