dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
