Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
