she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
