God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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