I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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