So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
