I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
