i think my tv is drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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