I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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