is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
