I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
