Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I've blown a few things in my day
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
sarcasm needs its own font
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
