so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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