He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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