Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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