I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
