Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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