it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
