You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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