escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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