hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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