have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You can't just leave with hair like that
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
