Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Randomize
